Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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