I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
