Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
