super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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