Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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