I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
