So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
