after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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