You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
