WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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