People in love make me want to vomit
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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