When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
