Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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