Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
