Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
