Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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