he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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