The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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