You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
