what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
