My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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