i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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