A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
