my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
