she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
