Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
