We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
