You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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