I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
