just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
