just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We're too hungover to prance.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
