Christians are straight up FREAKS
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
