I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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