Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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