he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
