You just made me feel so damn special
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
