I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This is the high leading the old right now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
