My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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