u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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