I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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