super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize