i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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