omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
