Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
