please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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