Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
