If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe he injected his testicle?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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