i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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