Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
