You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
