walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
