what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
